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Greetings everyone,

I have been planning for long to write some great Xmas wishes here, put up some great lovely pictures and make this entry look just so great and jolly. Yet now as I have finally sat down to write it all... I'm just not feeling it.

Don't think of me wrong, this is not a text filled with worry and christmastly troubles. Things is, I was really awaiting these days greatly. Yet God said decided I didn't deserve it.

So here I am, after being sick the whole week, having some pain and what it seemed to be some throat or sinus infection, I am finally getting better. Unfortunately only physically. My sinus treatment medicine was of the name pseudoephedrine and after taking it all the time the past three days I am feeling devastated. As you may know or not pseudoephedrine not only unblocks your sinuses but also gets rid of your appetite, therefore is used sometimes by desperate girls to lose weight, or in higher doses acts in a similar way of amphetamine.

I can't eat anything and the thing is that food was my main coping mechanism during hard times caused by my inactive addiction. Turns out every hour of every day is a hard time for me even though I am already almost 30 days sober.

I really hope I can eat soon again because I feel so dreadful I'm even beyond that everyday-like-staying-in-bed-all-day, a thing I do so often when I feel terrible. I don't even want to stay in bed. I'm on a completely different level now. That of "I don't want to breathe".

Soon I ought to be okay. In the meanwhile, I hope everyone is having the best xmas. Can't wait when I will write a next entry on how better I am doing than now!

Take care,

Laura